This is my journey and this is my story.
Let me start by saying, I know my weight is out of control.
It all started when I got my birth control the first time. At 19 when I was active, fit, and time was on my side. After my IUD was inserted I gained a whopping 20-25 pounds in the first 2-3 months. Yikes! This wasn’t fun, but I saw it as the price I had to pay for not having kids. It’s okay, I would get around to working it off.
Then married life came alone and we became homeowners! We took on more projects, responsibilities, and hustled harder than prior because we had more at stake. This started a lot of late night snacking, more out to eats, and overall less active outdoors. My weight was not falling off and I continued to slowly put on the pounds even more.
Then we packed up and moved to Hawaii! That was super exciting and stressful. In the first month of us moving my ITP came back. This is a disease I had when I was in 1st grade that the doctors told my parents I had less than a 1% chance of ever getting again. ITP is a bleeding disorder where your immune system destroys platelets and can cause you to bleed to death internally. This is not like the common cold your body can fight off given enough time. It’s an ultimatum disease, you either fix it or you die of blood loss.
This part of my weight journey is where it really took a turn for the worse. I was prescribed steroids because my body desperately needed assistance getting back on track so my platelet count could be normal again. The steroids (along with with many other horrible side effects) caused me to gain over 30 pounds in about 6 weeks. I was swollen, hungry, angry, and if I made one wrong move (something as small as bumping my knee or cutting my finger) I could have either died or ended up right back in the ER. Once my platelet count stabilized I got off the steroids as soon as I could. I did end up losing some weight, but not nearly as much as I had put on.
Fast forward years later, I had done things off and on short term to get my weight right without watching my calories. Tons of hours were spent hiking and hitting the gym. There was a 5 month period I would go to the gym no less than 4 days a week for an hour. I lost about 10 pounds on the scale for 5 months of dedicated gym time, and as you can imagine I was discouraged. My husband and I were still eating wayyyy too much Taco Bell, and spent our Friday nights drinking at The Shack. My clothes fit much better and I had a lot more energy, but because I was frustrated by the number on the scale for the time I was putting in, I quit. Instead of changing my eating habits to go along with my exercising, I played the victim because it made me feel better about giving up.
When we moved back to Texas, and I didn’t stand a chance. The portions you get in Hawaii are more expensive and much smaller, but here in the great state of Texas you pay less than $15 for a buckle buster. You sit down at a restaurant and get those homemade butter rolls, stupidly sweet tea, a big old chicken fried steak the size of your face smothered in gravy with two sides.
Then I started my in-home daycare and I didn’t manage the stress of it well. I would be on my feet for 12 hours a day, and by the time the kids left I wouldn’t have any energy to cook. Almost every week night we ate some kind of fast food. In the beginning I was drinking heavier than I should have been just so I could relax and let it go at the end of the day. The numbers on the scale continued to climb and I was too busy, too exhausted, and too in denial of the problems I was having.
Now that the daycare is closed I have had more time to not be so consumed by everything else. I am working on my writing, and working on myself. The number on the scale is so off the charts that at this time I don’t even want to admit to myself how embarrassingly much I weigh. However I know by past history if I don’t do something about it now, putting it off won’t be easier.
It has to stop, because I’m running out of excuses. I have to make a serious change now because my health depends on it.
Putting this out there and saying I’m going to make a change is beyond scary. I know the haters will judge me, and there is a chance I could fail, but not trying is the stupidest thing I could do at this point. I have to make a lifestyle change.
I know the journey will be long, painful, and one of the toughest obstacles I’ve yet to face. I am confident now that my mind is made up I can do it. I’ve done a lot of hard things in my life, and I’m determined to conquer my weight problem and add it to the list.